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08 October 2009 @ 04:36 pm
just need to speak my mind  

I'm in Holocaust Studies in my school.
And of course I have to watch videos and documentaries concerning the Third Reich among other things.

Well, today in the movie Irena Sendler (can't remember the full title) they marched the Jewish children out of the orphanages into trucks.
Wanna know where those trucks were headed to?
Death camps.

They killed children.
They fucking killed little babies.
How did they live with themselves?
How could someone order this upon people who were different than he was?

I tried to be strong, but I cried.
Right in the middle of my class.
Though I've learned to cry silently, so no one noticed.

But I don't think that I can handle this.
And the worse part is...
the movie isn't over.

And there's Schindler's List.
Gotta watch that one too.
And I bet I'll be bawling.

See, I have a fear of death.
Not like...a fear of the unknown...
but ever since my mom died when I was five
I've been afraid to sleep.

Randomly, I'll have mini panic attacks because I try to envision myself gone.
I wonder constantly about my life ceasing, and I nearly break down every time.

So to watch a group of people bully another just because of religious or ethnic differences...
that really pisses me off.
And makes me scared.

I'm African-American and Cherokee.
I'm a Christian, though I'm no where near "Christ-like".

There are people out there who hate me for who I am, and they don't even know me.
There were people out in Europe who hated the Jewish community just because they were different.
(your opinions on the matter are your own, but what I surmise it to be is irreconcilable differences)

There are people out there who hate anyone not like them...and that's just wrong.

So...I don't know. Why can't people just love each other?
Why does bloodshed and death have to be the solution?
Death solves nothing--it only brings more pain.


I guess... I'll never know.

Current Mood: moodymoody
Current Music: Spring Nicht - Tokio Hotel
mr_toshiya on November 2nd, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel. I try to envision just like you and I honestly cry my eyes out because I don't want to be dead, yet this world is so fucked up. At the moment, I think that until people change, there will be much more bloodshed and tears. Maybe more people like you will change this world. :) We can only hope.
Kuroi_Nijixerenas on November 4th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)
thank you :)
but I think it's going to take more than just me.
you will be there to help, too. :D

mr_toshiya on November 7th, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)
Yes! I will be there during the thick and thin!
Kuroi_Nijixerenas on November 22nd, 2009 01:58 am (UTC)
i'm glad :)